48 hours and 28 minutes ago. i fell to temptation and practically gave my sould to the devil. my actions. i regret. are going to make so many people suffer deep emotional pain. i will lose every thing i have worked so hard to attain. all becuase of one night. long day. longer night. its all good. but all actions have consequences im afraid. and i will pay. dearly. im sorry John. i truly am.
i don't know how i will make this up. its just not humanly possible. two years ago i said i wouldn't fall. I have failed everyone including myself. and now for a few more days or maybe a few more weeks i lose more sleep. countless hours i will spend suffering in my guilt. Up till then i've been off allright, but no more. now i enter the realms of scum, worthless pieces of shit. lowlife. "This doesn't change anything" kim. an hour getting ready, 3 hours sleeping, a few to this selfish greed. and now its behind me, and in front. no wait. im stuck in between, this ditch i've dug. no way out. only deeper. no forgiving what i've done. and still i keep going. a grudge i've had with this man, for so long, thats what keeps us close. "Oh yea we hate each other, thats what makes up such good friends" john. he will never know. the pain i have caused him. we have caused him. "your cousins gonna kill you" kim. my best friend. this had to end sometime right?
hey john... i win....